A nightmare of a problem
by Cha-Cha
Summary: Sheppard's having nightmares. Will he be able to trust his partner to tell them about them?


**Author: Cha-Cha **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the show or the characters so please don't sue me!**

**Spoilers: The Storm and Eye.**

**Warnings: Slash.**

He looked down from the ledge. The female wraith had her hand on the chest of the man. Pain was etched across his face, his eyes begging for the end. The soldier pulled the trigger. The bullet shot through the air into Sumner's chest.

Sheppard sat up with a gasp. His body was covered in a cold sweat. It had been the same nightmare that had been plaguing him since he had shot his commanding officer. The only difference with normal nightmares was that it wasn't a caused by his imagination or by eating the wrong foods before bed but a memory of what he had done. Checking to the side of him to make sure he hadn't woken the person next to him in the bed, he quietly got up and made his way into the bathroom. Shutting the door, he mentally turned the lights on to dim before running the tap.

Splashing his face with water, he sighed before sitting down on the edge of the bath putting his head in his hands.

Wide-awake now, he realised there was no way he could go back to sleep. Switching the lights down as dimly as they would without going off, he went back into the room and grabbed his jogging outfit before sipping back into the bathroom.

Getting changed, he hoped he could jog far enough so when he returned he would fall asleep without dreaming. Before leaving this time, he turned the lights out completely and slipped out of the door and into the corridor. Sheppard was thankful every time this happened that his partner was such a heavy sleeper; or at least was generous to not make too big a fuss about his midnight runs.

An hour later, he could begin to feel himself reach his limit. Going back to his room, he showered quickly and changed back into his tee shirt and boxers before slipping back into the bed. Without missing a beat, arms immediately embraced him and held him tightly until he fell asleep once more.

**2 days later…**

Carson was tired. No, tired wasn't strong enough. Exhausted was closer and his head was throbbing like someone had a brass band playing in there. It had been hours since they had driven the Genii out and for him to be released by the only other medical Doctor on Atlantis.

As soon as it was safe after the storm, word had been sent to send back a small amount of military personnel and another Doctor for help checking the base over for survivors and hidden surprises left by the Genii.

Fortunately, by the time Doctor Riggs had gotten there, all that was left for him to do was a quick check over of him before giving him some painkillers. Relieved of duty for the next few days, he wearily made his way beck to his room. Kicking off his shoes and dumping his jacket on the floor, he flopped down onto his bed. Sleep overtook him immediately.

'Major, I see you've been released from Dr Riggs care.' Weir greeted the soldier as he made a hasty exit from the infirmary.

'Yeah, it took him about an hour to figure out my shoulder is a little tender. Just gave me some tablets to take for the next few days.' John replied with a grim smile. He hated being in there more than was necessary since the bug incident. It brought back too may unpleasant memories.

'I wanted to thank you for saving my life earlier. I never got the chance to. And thank you also for saving Atlantis. You did great work today.'

'You and McKay did well yourselves. I wouldn't have had anything to save without your work.'

'Thank you Major, but...' she trailed off as something came back to her.

'But what?' Sheppard asked; stopping in the corridor they had been walking down towards the control room.

'I just remembered, where is the C-4?'

'It's…Where's Beckett?' the Major began before changing his question.

'I believe he was released a little before you. I think I saw him headed towards his room. Why, is something wrong?' Elizabeth replied, not quite sure why it was being asked.

'As long as there aren't any detonators in his room, everything should be fine.' Sheppard told her uneasily, guilt beginning to show in his voice.

'John.' Her glare was enough to make anyone talk.

'Half of it is under his bed.' He confessed.

'And the rest?'

'Under my bed. If they found one stash I didn't want them to find all of it.'

'So you put it under yours and Dr Beckett's beds!' She pointed out incredulously.

Shifting uneasily, he nodded before running back the way they had just come, Weir hot on his heels as they ran to Carson's room.

Standing outside, and poised to enter, Weir's radio suddenly went off requesting her immediate presence in the infirmary.

'Tut tut, not trying to duck out of your check up.' John lightly teased her 'don't worry, I'll have all of it back where it's supposed to be before you return.' He reassured her as she resignedly headed to medical room.

Slipping inside the room, he saw the Doctor was soundly asleep on the bed. Being as silent as possible, he reached under the bed and carefully removed the explosives.

Shuffling on the bed caused him to stand up and check the man was still asleep. Seeing he was, he just as silently left.

Getting all of the military and science personnel back on Atlantis seemed to take forever. The Stargate shut down several times before all the Athosians were through and that was before they even began to bring the people from Earth through. Although not much equipment had been taken through, they had a harder time rounding everyone up and getting a large amount of people in the small room where their Stargate was situated.

Bates however, did finally manage to get everyone through but not before cancelling the agreement with the Government. Although at first denying ever knowing the Genii, they had finally confessed to plotting with them.

Slumping down in a seat in the cafeteria, Sheppard realised he had yet to go to bed. Pushing away his coffee, he just sat there thinking. The service for the two men killed was going to be in two days time after things had calmed down.

Deciding there was nothing left for him to do but sleep, he passed his coffee onto the scientist who had been eyeing it up all the time he had sat there before heading towards a bed.

Opening the door, he grabbed his tee shirt and boxers before slipping into the bed. Almost instantaneously, a voice greeted him.

'What time is it?' The muffled voice asked.

'A little after 8.' John replied with a yawn.

'In the evening?'

'No, morning.'

'You dinnea sleep at all last night?'

'There was too much to do.'

'I suppose I have a lot to do this morning as well. I'll see you later. Sleep well John.' The voice told him as sleep started to overtake the Major. Kissing him softly on the lips his partner got out of bed and began to dress.

'I forgot to ask, are you okay?' Sheppard sleepily murmured, doing his best to put sleep off. 'Sorry I put C-4 under your bed.' He added, his brain becoming more and more muddled.

'I'll be fine, sleep. We'll talk about putting explosives under beds later.' As the doors shut, Sheppard was indeed asleep.

Waking many hours later, he realised for the first time in a long while he hadn't had the nightmare. Slowly getting out of bed, he started to strip off as he headed for the shower in the hopes it would wake him up.

The water cascaded down his back and face, the warm water gently massaging his bruises from the day before. Finally feeling somewhat more human than before, he stepped out of the shower and grabbed the towel from toilet seat. It slightly registered that he hadn't actually put a towel there, but the memories of the invasion were occupying most of his mind. The faces of all those he had killed as well as those men who had been killed by the Genii weighed heavily on his conscience. Just more pain and guilt added on an already pretty full box of pain. Stepping out of the bathroom, he dropped the towel that was around his waist and headed towards the dresser where he kept a spare uniform for if he stayed over.

'Not that I mind the view, but I was wondering when your going to notice me.' A voice from across the room asked. Jumping spectacularly, Sheppard managed to drop the clean underwear he had in his hands. Picking it up again, he carried on dressing before speaking.

'I guess I was thinking too much.' John replied, as he turned round to face his lover.

'Careful or you'll spoil the image of a flyboy!' came the retort before a kiss was planted on his lips. Missing the touch of his partner, the kiss deepened before the requirements of oxygen set in and they parted. 'So, putting C-4 under my bed.' Beckett stated looking John in the eye, his eyes glittering in slight amusement, while his body stance was of annoyance.

'I said I was sorry…I think.' Sheppard told him defensively, trying to remember exactly he had said that morning.

'Aye, you did.' Carson confirmed. 'I also remember you coming in here to retrieve it.'

'I thought you were asleep. I didn't want to disturb you.'

'John, I always wake when you move around in here.'

'Always?' Sheppard asked slightly guiltily.

' Aye, always. I've been waiting for you to talk to me about your midnight runs, your nightmares, but you never do. You just get up in the middle of the night and leave, then come back a few hours later and go again just before everyone else wakes up.'

'I'm sorry; I just never wanted to bother you with it. They're only nightmares.' John told him quietly, looking partly ashamed at having admitted this. Leaning in, Carson pulled him into a tight hug before speaking again.

'About the Wraith and Sumner?'

'To name a few.' Sheppard replied with what could be called a snort.

'Maybe if you talked to me about it, it could help.'

'I don't know if I can.'

'You won't know if you don't try, otherwise I could, as your doctor, have you sedated for the next few days so you can catch up on all the sleep you've missed.' Beckett threatened with a grin.

'You wouldn't.'

'Wouldn't I?' came the challenge. 'John, I care about you, let me help. I don't like watching you in pain and not being able to do anything about it.'

'I'm sorry, I just…I'm not good at telling people how I feel or when something's wrong.'

'Well, you didn't know me then. I want to now; I want to help. I don't want to lie awake waiting for you return from wherever you run off to.'

'I can't say all of them; some of them are from top-secret missions. I'm not supposed to tell anyone about those, any details.'

'There are some perks to dating a Doctor.'

'You don't get as many needles stuck in your backside?' he joked causing the other man to smile.

'As well as there being patient doctor confidentiality. I won't tell anyone, so no one will know you've told.'

'You won't like me if I told you what happened.' Johns voice was so quiet and childlike it almost made Carson's heart break.

'I knew you were a soldier when I fell in love with you. There will be things I can't understand and things I won't approve of, but that doesn't mean I won't love you still.'

'I…I…I don't know wh-' he faltered and stopped.

'Just start wherever you want, pick a nightmare and we'll work through it. I'm here for you.'

'There were so many I killed. Over sixty and that was just yesterday…what does that make me?' John asked after a small pause. Fighting it out with his conscience, he eventually decided to tell his lover what was bothering him so much.

'Someone who cares a lot about his home and family. You saved here yesterday. Feeling guilt just helps to show you are a good guy but feeling guilty about every person you have killed isn't good for you.'

Guiding the Major over to the bed, they sat down next to each other leaning against the wall. Dropping his head onto Carson's shoulder, they began to talk. Properly.

The End


End file.
